Statisticians Jokes

Two random variables were gossiping and thought they were discrete by whispering but I heard their chatter continuously.

Why did the statistician take Viagra?

Since his sample was large, he did not want to be rejected with a small p-value and be declared practically nonsignificant!!

Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "On the average we got it!"

I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will.

I asked a statistician for her phone number... and she gave me an estimate.

"Why are you moving? You have arrived to this lovely neighborhood just a few weeks ago."

"Yes, but I read in the local paper a bit of statistics that said, 'most auto accidents happen within eight miles of your home'."

Did you hear about the politician who promised that, if he was elected, he'd make certain that everybody would get an above average income?

Three statisticians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first statistician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second statistician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third statistician didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "On the average we got it!"

Patient: " Will i survive this risky operation?"

Surgeon: "Yes I'm absolutely sure that you will survive the operation."

Patient: How can you be so sure?"

Surgeon: "9 out of 10 patients die in this operation, and just yesterday my ninth patient died!"

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